HOW TO: Feel Miserable as an Artist

Originally posted by Keri Smith on her blog, Wish Jar: Explorations of the Familiar


YES!!! Although my ENFJness leads me to guilty-as-charged on #10 quite often still.

Project C, § 1: A New Step

Lately my self outline has drifted... and slowed down... substantially. A new project concerning secrets and the shadow has wiggled its way into my mind.

I've been reflecting on what all makes us who and what we are, including experiences, family roots/background, the people we meet, places we go, lessons learned, and secrets kept. May initially appear an elementary thought process, but in reflection of this brief list I found that "lessons learned" stuck out to me. Perhaps this because it's something a few of my clients and I have been talking about in sessions--turning mistakes into lessons learned. Not all of my secrets are mistakes; only a small fraction to me might be considered as such, but the majority that I used to call mistakes have turned into...you got it...lessons.

An image and poem began to materialize in my thoughts regarding secrets and all I had learned before, which resulted in quick painting and praying for my gallery-hanging-dreams to come true (i.e. hang a canvas from the ceiling facing down... you look up and see it. There's more to it than that but if it can be displayed at the show, you'll just find out there).




I forgot to document whilst speed painting.





Alvin watched from afar.

Still evolving...

Project B, § 5: There's more...

So, I f i n a l l y added a few bits to the legs of my outline.



What I had to say seemed to fit there: they both regarded (not) going places.

At our last documentation day, Monica asked me what a secret was, since it often is seen as being about shame. Her question got me thinking about why I keep secrets, and whether secrets mean that no one--aside from yourself--knows them, or if they are secrets to everyone except for a small number of folks.

This then brought me back to my initial question in my research about secrets, or our "darker side": In the process of encountering our shadow/secrets, when is it that we move on? Is it before we put it out in the open? Is it after we tell others, or does it take even longer? Many might say that by telling other people, it's better because you might find others that share your trouble or have a larger support group.

Through this process *NEWS FLASH* I have found that, for myself, it may depend on the secret. Some of them, my husband doesn't know yet but I intend to tell him soon (i.e. next week when he's back in town). Some of the secrets on my outline I told him before I wrote them down, or the day after, but I was still coming to terms with them. Does that mean they're still a secret, since he knows? To me: yes, because there are reasons I don't tell other people about them.

Is this a social thing?
Is this an emotional thing?

These questions remind me of our clients and the counseling relationship, and relationships in general: People tell us things the way they do for a reason, and there is a reason that some things are shared and some things are not.