Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Project B, § 6: Resolution

Lately the protocol for my body tracing/secret project has been crocheting a single strand and hot-gluing it around the border of the image. I felt I didn't have much else to say on it, and when I pulled a "Bruce Moon" and asked it what it needed, it said "More border!", so I complied.

The other day Shelly made a statement about the border, saying it reminded her of being tied up in knots and how keeping secrets can make us that way. I didn't think of that :) Stemming from that, I've found the crocheting isn't exactly tight knots, so it can somehow perhaps function as a somewhat semipermeable membrane. I'll have to chew on that for a while...

I began crocheting until all the yarn was gone, then began the process of gluing it around the figure. When I came to the head, I chose to go around what I had drawn there.

It just looked like a halo... and I do not feel like an angel, even after getting all that out. After avoiding the head area and continuing to border the rest of the body outline about four or five-fold, I chose to pull off the "halo".

Just not working.

I wondered about leaving it open, but then it was just that... open. It needed to be with the rest of the body. I considered a different way of placing the remaining yarn.

Then it just looked like a Medusa, a gorgon.

*Side note: Some might say that Medusa technically means 'guardian' or 'protector'... which (again technically) is what I am of my own secrets... Medusa is historically seen as both beautiful and terrifying, as I suppose a secret may often be as well.*

But I paid attention to my initial reaction to Medusa, which was negative. I'm thinking this is because it was on an outline of ME. It was scary. Did I want others to think that of me? No. Did some think that already? I don't know... but if I can prevent it, I'll try.

Again... maybe that's one reason we keep secrets in the first place, so others won't judge, assume, reject, laugh, etc.
Back to square one? Not really...

After considering my insecurity of depicting myself as a Medusa, a thought came to mind loud and strong:
"I am not an angel. I am not a Medusa. I am a HUMAN BEING."

Somehow, with that thought, I felt okay with my secrets, my thoughts, and myself. I somehow have reached a goal that I guess I didn't know was there in the beginning.

I will continue to add the yarn as I see fit, but as for now, I feel I've reached a place of peace.

I am finished.


  1. Chelsea, this is interesting and so nice to see the involved thinking that is going on while you are working. I feel a need to clarify - i think I meant to say the way we knit together or work hard to hold in something that is secret - that it takes effort. Not so muh about the knots - I think there can be a balance about keeping aspects of ourselves more private or less private.

  2. Thanks for clarifying, Shelly--that's a good point too! Yes, I've found it has taken more effort to camouflage, etc. what is being written down, and I almost wonder if it means "anything" that I have written it down. I think if I were displaying it to people I don't know, or anonymously, then I'd just throw it all out there. I agree about keeping the balance!


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