Project B, § 4: Moving Onward

Once I got what I thought was out of my system, I decided to create a boundary. I crocheted the longest string I've ever crocheted in my life thus far and formed it around the outline, taping it down as I went. It was odd that, as the yarn was multi-colored, it seemed to change color around various body parts and match it up similarly. I went with it, and let it lead me around.

Once it was placed, I took a break from it and decided to add a few more secrets. One of them is what I thought was the most guarded of mine, but I found myself not covering it up as much as the others. Maybe I'm ready to let go.



The next day, I began sewing on the yarn outline. Crinkle crinkle crinkle...

(video of such will be added later)

Once finished (it seemed to never end!) I continued with the secrets...



(that one's not mine--I'm currently holding it for somebody, so shhh)



This one needs to be healed another way...



* * * * * * *

I've realized that I've been "neglecting" my legs lately... or completely. Maybe I just don't feel like anything I hold inside myself "belongs" there, but when I look at my daily life, it kind of makes sense. I'm not running as much as I used to, so perhaps out of sight = out of mind.

Project B, § 3: Remembering

I decided to take a brief hiatus from documenting secret information to reflecting on recent news I had received regarding friends and family.

A cousin of my dad's passed away from cancer, my grandpa was dying, and my best friend's dad was just diagnosed with cancer. I was mentally preoccupied.

Remembering what we had done for Carol, I decided to make a fabric flower for not just those mentioned above, but also for those of my family and friends who had already passed in my life. I chose fabric based on what reminded me of them, or what I thought they would like best if they could choose.



It was sometimes an odd experience, as I chose the fabric and formed the flowers, because as I was choosing the fabric for my dad's cousin, I heard a voice in my head say, "Honey, you know I don't mind what it looks like. I'd love anything you make." It made me smile.

I placed the flowers on my body shape where the individuals were inflicted with cancer, or had been in their life, even if it wasn't the cause of death. If someone did not have cancer, I chose the place that first came to mind, or where I felt it in my own body.



I chose to make one for my friend's dad, even though he was not dead. Perhaps it was a way to remind me of what he was going through, or even to help me process the news.



Making the flowers reminded me of the movie "9", how the inventor made all these dolls, who were essentially made by similar processes but had their own individuality. I decided to document my thoughts inside Project A, which is almost the only action it's gotten since the beginning of Project B.



The following week I made another flower for my grandpa, my last living grandparent, and put it in his casket at his funeral.



Regardless of what happens to the rest of the flowers on this project, I am glad that one is with him. I've never seen a body literally fall into shadow like I did at his funeral, watching the lid close and seeing his folded hands disappear. So permanent.

Perhaps that is why I have been avoiding public documentation. Even though I don't have to talk about that on here, I know it can help me process it all. I thought I was okay with it all, but I guess I wasn't. It wasn't until now that I realized this, which--haha!--supports Jung's theory about how people can keep secrets from themselves.

That secret's for free.

Project B, §2: Development

Long time, no post. It's not that I haven't been creating, just somehow I stopped making my documentation public. It's not that I don't want you all to know what I've been doing, but honestly, I've checked out a bit lately.

I began to add some information that I haven't shared with others, and shared it with the paper and materials instead. I often made what was going to (partially) cover the message first before writing it down, that is, if I was more willing to keep it difficult to read by others.



I wanted to be consistent by writing down the information in permanent marker, so they were all on the same plane, but after a few additions I realized that hey--permanent marker might just increase their permanence, even though I was sure the project would be physically destroyed some day.





It's coming together... but I was feeling preoccupied by life outside of school.

Project B, § 1: Evolving Self

This project has been in the back of my mind since last October, and is now taking off. The idea behind it, for me, is to help me document the effects of life circumstances onto the tracing of my body, acting as somewhat of a flat art journal of sorts. My husband Phil was kind enough to help me begin the project by tracing my body outline--standing up--onto a long strip of paper. I intend to bring it to the studio course at least once a week (we meet twice per) to work on, but primarily intend to make it a home project.
(if you're wondering, that little guy on the left of the image is Alvin, our chinchilla, out to stretch his legs)

At first I wasn't sure why I wanted to add the white. Perhaps it was to cover up the black marks... and because I like the way white looks on brown paper? But as I applied the crayon (which became paint due to the crayon not fulfilling my need) I realized I was more readily covering up the areas where Phil had accidentally mis-traced and had to go over it again, which created double, crooked lines. To me it was just part of tracing a person--it's difficult to get it "perfect", and sometimes it's better to not be that way. But why did I need to cover up those places? Was it for aesthetic purposes? Maybe partially, but that's the only reason I can conjure up even though I'd like to say it could be something different.

Working on a tracing of yourself may seem somewhat vain or narcissistic, which is not what I want to be, and I don't see the project as being that way. I want to better myself to better help others, and right now, it seems that if this project is still burning in my mind, I prefer to kindle the fire and let it run its course rather than suppress it.

I am still developing my final, underlying question for the Creative Process course, and I am working to piece it together (I thought I knew what it was--working through themes--but would prefer to link it to my research project question for my thesis). My intention is to actualize my thesis research question partially through the "postcard" book, which is described in the previous post.

Project A, § 1: My first book-making

The first day of our Creative Process class, I had no clue what to make that day despite my thoughts of creation before meeting. It came to mind that making a portfolio of some kind would be a good start. It began in my mind as a loose binding of simple folders that swiftly evolved into a book, similar to the art journals I have.

Initially I was unsure of the order of operations to make a book, but luckily I knew what kind--the kind with "signatures"--a decent start. After observing other handmade books of this type I set out to make my own. It began with the pages varying in size, ranging from 8.5x11" to 4x6", with other sizes in-between. As I gathered the signatures together to consider the binding process, I realized that perhaps I should stick with the dimensions of a normal postcard, which is what I will expect in the long-short of my research project (please message if explanation is desired).

I cut down the pages to size and began punching the holes in the individual signatures to bind the individual papers together. *I learned that in future endeavors of bookmaking, I might want to consider using thicker paper, as my thin paper turned out to be less stable than I thought.* Thin calico fabric was cut for a spine, sewn to glued-together pieces of construction paper, and voila, the cover! But I still had to attach it to the loose signatures.


By guess and by golly, I sewed and looped the individuals together to form the book, and sewed the fabric spine to the twine from the signatures. I may have bent the rules of bookmaking, but regardless... it works for me for the purpose I have for it.


This book is expected to provide a keeping place for further documentation of my processes (notes, insights, etc.) as well as noting images in regards to my research.

For a piece of what I've been listening to, click here.